4:10 pm

There’s a new plague making its way from coast to coast. Take one step into your local incorporated coffee shop, vegan restaurant, Urban Outfitters or American Apparel store and you will be afflicted. (Or blinded by all the neon spandex and overwhelming scent of cigarettes.)

I’m talking, of course, about hipsters.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Don’t worry’ they’ve even got a urbandictionary page page.

I don’t truly despise these people. In fact, some are my dear friends. However, the ones that aren’t my friends are becoming an issue – a taking-all-the-tables-at-my-favorite-coffee-shop issue – and here’s my top 10 reasons that they piss me off. Obviously, not all apply. And obviously there are many, many more.

1. OHMYGOD just because I don’t wear weird clothes doesn’t mean I don’t like good music, too.
Hipsters pride themselves on liking the most unique, underground indie music. And if they like something outside that realm? Well, they like it “ironically.” In fact, I’m pretty sure their entire subculture is based on irony. They automatically assume if someone is in a polo shirt that their music taste only expands as far as Dave Matthews and OAR. WRONG. Not everyone wears their music taste on their American Apparel sleeves. Get. Real. Check my last.fm; I listen to just as much Arcade Fire as you do and my mom was at Pavement concerts when you were in diapers.

2. The corporations you support are just as bad as the ones you hate.
So, you enjoy taking over Urban Outfitters? Well guess what – UO supported Proposition 8, the recently passed proposition that banned same sex marriage. Urban is owned by the most anti-gay bigot ever. Maybe you should think twice before you go heading over there for your next ironic tee and skinny jeans.

3. Life’s tough. Get a helmet.
Adorn the helmet with Bon Iver stickers. Do what you must, just stop bitching and moaning and sucking down Parliament Lights and PBR cans like it’s your job. You’ve got a trust fund, you unitard-wearing complainer.

4. Hypocritical much?
So, you spend your time hating on people for being judgmental a-holes? While you sit there and judge them based on the fact that they’re wearing mainstream clothing and maybe enjoy rap music? I don’t think that frat boy gives a crap about your life, so why do you care how he lives his?

5. Sports are not the anti-christ.
I like hockey & football. It’s fun to cheer for things (I know. Enthusiasm. Scary.) and maybe you should try watching it. Just because a lot of people love it doesn’t mean it sucks.

6. People eat animals. They taste real good.
Don’t tell me how my burger came to be. Veganism is your choice, not mine. Do I tell you how your lungs are turning black when you smoke? No. Do I not-so-politely inform you that your skinny jeans are permanently damaging your nerves? Nopers. Don’t remind me that my sandwich was once a living thing.

7. It’s okay to like things without being ironic.
I’d love to meet a hipster that can openly admit that they un-ironically enjoy Britney Spears or Fall Out Boy. Even just a couple songs. Come on! It’s catchy! I’m not judging you!

8. Starbucks is tasty. Organic coffee tastes funky.
Enough said. Maybe it’s overpriced, but oh my god, I have never had a decent frappucino at an indie coffee shop. Side note: your indie coffee shop is most likely a franchise, too!

9. PBR is gross.
Enough. Said.

10. Smile.
Sunshine, I don’t care what you’re wearing, but for the love of spandex and Ray-Bans, can you please brighten someone’s day and smile? Scowling is super unbecoming.

7:38

I lovelovelove

Big crowds enjoying big fireworks together

Fire trickles and drips across the sky, old folks huddle and cuddle and babies cry, teenagers squeeze sweaty palms and look up, up way high. Because light fills the night, kabooms bang in the air, conversation stops, jaws drop, we all crane our necks up … and stare. Yes, when those fireworks erupt, when they splash in the dark, when those bright waterfalls drip down into our park, we all ooh and ahh at them big beautiful sparks.



Waking up before your alarm clock and realizing you’ve got lots of sleep time left

Peaceful and extremely quietDark windows, dead silence, dim moonlight dancing on the walls. The night is calm and quiet and peaceful.

And then BOOM: your eyes burst open and you bust out of bed in an adrenaline-gushing, brain-rushing, heart-crushing state of emergency. Dizzy and blind, you urgently stumble over to the clock as thoughts whip through your head — am I late for work, did I miss the buzzer, do I have time for a shower?

You swipe the clock, zoom it up to your squinty eyeballs, and get a good look.

“4:56 AM,” it screams in its trademark crisp, bright-red florescent silence. “4:56 AM.”

Thump Thump, you're alrightStunned, your wobbly brain slowly pieces it together. “That is too early much than I thought,” you think. “I should back into go to bed.”

And then a slow, thin smile curls on your lips as you turn to stare at your crumpled cocoon, readying yourself to flip the pillow and dive back into Bedhead Paradise. Oh, you know that sweet cruise into dreamland will be a doozy for a few big reasons:

* Ready to rock. Hey, the bed is pre-warmed, the mattress pre-dented, and the cool side of the pillow just waiting to hug your hot, salty head. Detangle the sheets a bit and you’re good to go.
* Dare to dream. If that rocking dream you’re having is still fresh in your head, you can clench your eyes, squeeze your brain, and pop right back into it.
* Take a break. Hey, your body woke up early because it felt pretty rested, so the extra sleep is just its way of saying “Go ahead, take a long lunch.” People, this is like a snow day without the shoveling — just a big, wet puddle of free time to soak up guilt-free.

Yes, waking up before your alarm clock and realizing you’ve got lots of sleep time left is a great thing. Sure, your heart pulses and your brain convulses, but you quickly realize there’s a long time left for a lot more sleeping.

And you know what we like to call that around here.

AWESOME!

3:34 am